The Mourning

It’s late, not because the clock says 11:15 pm, but the air changes…
It’s Late
She sits up with a start, sweating heavily.
She hears the footsteps coming…closer…closer…closer…closer…closer
The door opens and in comes a dark figure.
How could this happen to me? She wonders.
HOW COULD IT HAPPEN? She prays, tears streaming down her face.

It’s late, not because the clock says 3 am, but the air changes….
She sits up with a start, sweating.
The man that’s beside her, what does he know?
What did he see, why is he here? She wonders.
What did I just do? The same empty feeling comes back, again and again.
Why wasn’t my father there when I needed him? She prays, tears streaming down her face.

It’s late, not because the clock says 4 am….
The air changes. She sits up with a start, sweating heavily. What was that noise?
What just happened? Who is in my room?
No one is there. The noise was the simple turning of a key in a lock.
Why does this keep happening? She wonders.
What is going on? Why am I afraid? Why do I remember? She prays, tears streaming down her face.

It’s late, not because the clock says 5 am…
The air changes. She sits up with a start, sweating.
Her life flashes before her, the pain from childhood, the many random acts,
The walls she has put build to protect her.
Wall after wall after wall after wall she has built.
She cries as she often does thinking no one would hear, praying all the while.

I hear you, says the voice.
I know your pain,
I see the walls,
The way you have tried not to let others see, I see it all.

Why God did you let it happen?
Why did my father leave me?
Why didn’t my mother believe me?
Why didn’t the men love me?
Why couldn’t I let them in?

Why God, why? If you saw, then why?

Because, says God,
The thing I have called you to is greater than you.
I have been right here the whole time.
The whole time you have been thinking about you,
I have thought of the others you would touch along the way.
The other girls and their brothers, the sons and their mothers.
The ones you pray for, I want them to experience more.
More of me so they can be who they are to be in me!
So you see it’s not about you, the thing I have called you to.
But to complete the work your walls must come down.
When your heart wants to smile your face is frowned.
How can I complete my work?
You constantly think you have no worth.
You are more precious to me than you will ever know.
It is through your life that others will grow.
I know you are afraid, yes it’s true.
But remember it’s what I have called you to.
So trust in me and you shall see,
You are exactly who I created you to be.

The girl begins to pray, pray for those who have entered her life…
Tears flowing down her cheeks she prays for every child that
May personally know her torment,
Every son, daughter, mother and father who may know…
Travailing she prays until her release comes…

It’s mourning.

Written May 15, 2007, 12:48 pm by Tenisha Godley