So, I just had one of those defining moments...the kind that change your world view forever. For so long, I was always the person that was closed off, and had my own personal boundaries. Those boundaries were known only by me, and most people didn't find out they existed until they crossed one. For years, I lived my life this way, because I was afraid that anyone who got inside of my boundaries would hurt me. In theory, it sounds like a good idea...
"Hey, I'm gonna live my life the way I see fit, in the MANNER in which I see fit, and there is nothing that anyone can do to stop me. This is the way I've been and will continue to be...so deal with it! I'm not going to stop being me to accommodate any of you...."
The reality is, while I was so busy building my life in this manner, I failed to realize that the same people I kept out because I didn't want them to hurt me, couldn't get inside to LOVE me. I have absolutely no CLUE as to why I am going this route today...only to say that maybe it will help encourage someone. I find myself more and more transparent these days, with little to no recourse for how it makes me look. Of course, I battled with that as well.
But my defining moment came when God said to me...I love you anyway...now to others it may seem so small, but I always saw love as conditional...surely God can't love me through THIS. But I realized that He does, and He loves me enough to put people around me to show that unconditional love. Because of that, I have no choice but to show His love to others. This morning, I was in the car in a full CRY on my way to work, because I was just so overwhelmed with His presence. It has not been an easy process, this breaking. I have never wanted or desired His presence as much as I do now. I will be honest, days are not always easy. But I would rather have 100 hard days with Him than 1 easy one by myself. Now for ME, that's a Selah...
No comments:
Post a Comment